Drawing the Line

I knew this day would come. I could feel myself holding more and more back from all of you. I think long and hard before I post a story about my children on the blog anymore. I have done a lot of reviews and giveaways and have written some posts that are about me or motherhood but I have kept the most important part of my heart - my children - to myself.

Before the last month or so I have never seen Drake get embarrassed. Sure he had done embarrassing things, but he did not know that he should or could feel embarrassed about it. But in the last few weeks I have seen him utterly and truly embarrassed and it broke my heart and put me on high alert. I know I will do things in the future to embarrass my kids. I'm guessing sometimes it will all be in fun and I will do it on purpose and other times they will be embarrassed of me or things I do whether it is justified or not.

Here is the thing - I don't want this blog to be a source of embarrassment for them.  In the world we live a quick Google search is all it takes for stories, pictures and all the information you need to know about a person is at your fingertips.  I know I can't protect my boys forever, but I can limit what I contribute to their "internet biography." I want them to make their own tracks in life- their own stories- if they want to write a  blog someday, great, but that is up to them.

So I guess what I'm saying is that the line has been drawn. This blog will continue but with a lot less of my sweet boys in it.  I will still share pictures of my boys from time to time and I'm sure every now and then I will pop in with a story or 2 about them, but for the most part I will do what a mother should do and hold the most precious and sensitive stories close to my heart just for me.

Growing up is hard to do...

What's On My Mind

On this cold and dreary Monday morning this is what I'm thinking about-

•  Drake had a lock down drill at his school on Friday. I can't even begin to tell you the heartbreak I felt as he told me "we had to pretend there was a bad shooter in the building and turn off all the lights and hide."  So, so sad that a lock down drill will now be the new normal for kids at school.

• I'm feeling really grateful for my husband lately. I have been gone a lot in the evenings the past month and my husband is wonderful about it. He never makes me feel guilty for being away and I love that I can leave and not have to give him directions on what to do with the kids because he already knows since he is such a big part of their care everyday anyway. I'm just so happy I get to do life with him

• I went to the Pink concert with my mom and sisters on Friday night. What.A.Show! Seriously, if you ever get the chance to see her concert, please do. Hand down the best show I've ever seen!

 

• Our church puts on a Turkey Mission Dinner every fall and gives 100% of the money away.  All the food is donated and the tickets are free (a free will donation is taken at the door). Two year ago the dinner raised $25,000. Last year $60,000 was raised and this year over $87,000 will be given away to Habit for Humanity and Imagine No Malaria. I get goosebumps just thinking of what God is doing in our church and how many lives will be changed as a result of this turkey dinner.

• This is my new favorite picture. I love how it captures everyday life at our house.  And Charlie's expression? Priceless! I wonder what he is plotting...

 

• I continue to be amazed at the distinct personality differences between our 2 boys. Drake is sensitive and emotional. He is a cuddler and over thinker. Charlie is wild and tough. He is busy and carefree.  They both bring so many great qualities  to our little family that I love.

And Here are a few links I'm loving right now-

• I did the Fresh 20 Meal planning a lot last winter and I'm ready to get back on the wagon again. Makes meal time SO much easier.


• Do you use Instagram? It is my favorite social media site. I would love to follow you! You can follow me here.


• I am loving these Design Dilemma posts on Young House Love. I think it would be so much fun to submit a room in our house and get some fresh ideas.


• Watch this. The message speaks to everyone.


• If you plan on buying any Fisher Price toys for the holidays here are some great coupons for you!


• I just got done reading this book. Wow, just, wow. Read it.


• I bought this cardigan for Drake last week. There is just something about little boys wearing grow-up clothes that melts my heart.

Have a wonderful week!

I am a Good Mom

Last night I was talking with a friend about motherhood. We were talking about how we felt like we were struggling in some areas- about how hard it can be and the guilt we carry around. I was telling her how I struggle to get a meal on the table for my family and how lately I feel like I am hardly keeping it together. I feel guilty about not getting down on the floor enough to play with my boys or for snapping at them in a harsh voice when all they want to do is ask me a question.  I wish that I had craft projects prepared that we could do together and that I could control them better in public. I just wish I was a better mom.

Today, that same friend sent me a link to a  video that has been floating around Facebook. Please take four minutes to watch it.  If you can't watch the video here is a quick overview-The video starts by showing moms being interviewed about what kind of mom they think they are. They are all very hard on themselves and list many of the same things that I listed above. The video then goes on to show their kids being interviewed about their moms. The kids rave about how wonderful their moms are and all the really great qualities that they have.

I cried through the whole entire video. It just hit so close to home for me.  I don't concentrate on the qualities that make me a good mom, but instead I focus on all the bad.

But you know what? I am a good mom. I love letting my boys crawl in bed with me in the morning and I cuddle and kiss and love on them. I take them on donut dates just because. I am teaching them to be kind and generous and forgiving. I love exposing them to new things and we go on lots of adventures together. I date my kids carving out special one-on-one time with them. I take pride in how they look and dress them well. I make cookies with them. I throw great birthday parties. I fill up their little pool hundreds of time in the summer just so they can swim for five minutes. I go all out for every single holiday. I have taught them about Jesus. I have pizza party picnics on the living room floor. I take time to pick out the perfect gift for them, one that I know they will love. I organize playdates. I started our special "Friday Festival" tradition. I love reading books with them. I try really, really hard to play superheros, I have dance parties with the music turned up way to loud. I love them so much my heart hurts. I am a good mom.

What an awesome thing it would be if we could all just see ourselves through our children's eyes, huh? I know that I'm going to try.

What I Don't Want to Forget

I have to start by saying I am so, so happy I have this blog. I love looking back at all my posts over the last five years and being taken back to a time when Drake was just a baby and reading about the struggles we had with reflux or flipping to the post about how the doctor could not find Charlie's heartbeat at the first appointment and the relief I felt after I finally heard it. I love being able to revisit moments again and again just through the words I have written. I don't write this blog for you or my family or even for my boys. I write it selfishly for me because I never, ever want to forget these days.

What I don't want to forget right now....



The look on Drake's face as he lined up at preschool for the first time. How his face was a mix of excitement and nervousness as he stood waiting to walk to his class. How after the teacher's helper asked what his name was and started to look for his name tag and it took just a little too long for Drake's liking he looked her right in the eye and said "It starts with a D. D-R-A-K-E." How I had to fight the warm tears from spilling down my cheeks as I smiled at him with pride.

I also don't want to forget how Charlie makes me feel so crazy and happy all at the same time. How he runs into my room and grabs 2 necklaces out of my jewelry chest and runs around the house twirling them around like a mad man. How he will run as fast as he can to the toilet when you are not looking just to splash around. How he has a temper but a charm that could soften the hardest of hearts.

I don't want to forget how Drake has been saying the sweetest and most thoughtful things. "Thanks for making me cookies, mom." or "Thanks for the special date night, mom and dad." He seems to really appreciate when people do something nice for him and it could not make my momma heart happier.

I don't want to forget how Charlie loves to read this interactive book about castles and how he can't get enough of the "evil laugh" button. He pushes it over and over and over and every time the evil laugh recording stops playing he does his own evil laugh. He then does that same evil laugh about 100 times a day as he does all of the crazy things he does.

I don't want to forget the nights that I let Drake sneak into our bed and cuddle and talk long after he is supposed to be in bed. How he told me would maybe like to be a doctor like Papa when he grows up but he thinks he better be a baker instead. How his little body still fits perfectly all curled up next to me.

I don't want to forget how Charlie loves to eat. How he could spend his whole day bringing you snack and says "please" over and over again until you open it. How he gets the biggest smile on his face when you give him what he wants and how it is next to impossible to resist his sweet little voice.

I don't want to forget how Drake and Charlie are as brothers. How they love and adore each other. How Charlie can pretty much take down his big brother at any time but his big brother does sneaky naughty things like push Charlie when he thinks I'm not looking. I don't want to forget how Drake thinks that he is Charlie's boss and tells me "Charlie is naughty but we still love him." or "Charlie will never learn" as he shakes his head over something Charlie has done.

I don't want to forget the sounds that come from downstairs as my husband plays with our boys as I fold laundry. How our boys adore him and how he loves those boys with his whole heart. How he kisses their cheeks a million times a day and lets the words "I love you" flow freely. How he comes up with impromptu breakfast dates out for donuts and how he would spend his whole entire day on the floor playing trains and cars and superheros.

These days...I just don't ever want to forget.

Be...

Dear Drake-

In 6 days you will start preschool. I will walk you into the building, give you a hug and kiss and watch over my shoulder as you start out on this brand new adventure. I know you will do wonderfully as you are already so excited to start this journey. I also know this will be way harder on me than you. As I think about you starting preschool, I can’t help but think of the things I hope and wish for you as I send you out a few hours a day into the world of school. A world that is exciting and scary and happy and sad. A world that will teach you so much and try and break you down. As I send you off these are the things I want you to know and carry with you, not just while you are in preschool, but through your whole life.

Be Curious

Never be afraid to ask questions. Dig for the answer if you have to. Have a desire to learn. Read books on all different subjects. Be curious about the world around you, there is so much more out there than this little town that we live in. Try new foods.  Explore new places. Ask why things work the way that do.  Always be willing to learn something new and you will be amazed at the things you will find out.

Be Brave

There will be times when you are afraid. There will be times when you don’t want to do something. Be brave. Try new things. Make new friends.  Do scary things once and awhile. Sometimes life is easier when you don’t take risks and when you play it safe-don’t always do that. Some of the greatest gifts and memories in life come from doing things that make us uncomfortable.

Be Kind

Be kind to the kid on the playground that nobody else is nice to. Be kind to your teachers and treat them with respect. Be kind to your brother and love him no matter what. Be kind to animals, especially Skinner, as he has loved you without condition your whole life. Be kind to property and take care of your items. Be kind to us (your mom and dad) as we always have your best interest in mind and love you more than you know. Kindness is a quality that people like and recognize. Being kind will make you a better person and has the ability to change other peoples lives.  Please, always be kind.

Be Yourself

This is the most important thing I can teach you. You are wonderful Drake, absolutely wonderful. You are made the way that God intended you to be and there is not one single other person in this world who is like you. Don’t change for other people, if they don’t like you the way that you are, they are not worth your time. Always let your morals and values be your compass. Stand up for what you believe in and don’t let other people tell you that you are wrong just because you think differently than they do.  I promise you that there will always be so many people who love you just because you are you.

Those are my wishes for you…my prayers for your life.  As you start out as a preschooler those wishes are going to mean very different things to you than they will as you walk into your first day of high school, but being curious and brave and kind and mostly importantly being YOU will carry you far in every aspect of your life.  You already carry every single one of those qualities with you and make me so very proud. I can’t wait to watch you grow. Now go and soar!

Drake's Superhero Birthday Parties

2 weeks ago we celebrated Drake turning 4 by throwing 2 different birthday parties.

On the same day.

I'm crazy and will never do anything like that ever again!

We held Drake's first party (friends party)  at a park near our house.

We kept it super simple and ordered 2 dozen donuts (funny story- the store called me the day before the party to confirm my 24 dozen donut order...YIKES! Called they called!)  from the bakery and had drink boxes.

The kids played on the playground, ate donuts, watched Drake open presents and basically just ran around like crazy. We had the parents drop off the kids  so we were in charge of about 15 three and four year-olds. We really had a wonderful time!

Here are some more details of Drake's friends party-

Throwing donuts on a silver platter dressed them up a little ; )

We gathered up all of Drake's superhero masks for the kids to wear.

We stuck with the superhero theme by having Batman and Superman colored donuts! Also the party hats were a huge hit.

The Birthday Boy!

Drake and most of his birthday guests.

That afternoon we held another superhero birthday party. This time it was for our families and we held it at our house. We had the most beautiful day for the party and we all enjoyed  spending time outside eating cake and drinking lemonade.

I actually made Drake's birthday cake this year. I had planned to order superhero cupcakes but the plans feel through and I was left scrambling to come up with a cake.  I will admit, it was hard for me not to have a big fancy cake as I love having that as my party centerpieces, but Drake really loved the cake I made and that is all that mattered.

Here are the details of Drake's 2nd party

No party is complete without balloons!

I ran to Target and found some new superhero figures Drake did not have to top his cake with. He loved the surprise of his "new guys" on the cake.

I love using things we have around the house for decorations.

The party table.

Ready to party!

The birthday boy opening up his presents.

Our little firefighter blowing out his candles.

I have to admit that both of these birthday parties were a lot more low-key than the parties that I usually throw. It was kind of nice to tone things down a little and I don't even think anybody noticed.

We had a fun day celebrating Drake!

Four

Tomorrow he turns four....

 I often think about the day we met him. How he came fast and furious almost 2 weeks early and how we were so shocked by his head full of  long black hair. He stole my heart the second they put him in my arms and his grip on me keeps getting stronger and stronger.

Our first year together was wonderful and so very hard at the same time.  He had severe reflux that caused him such discomfort and pain and caused my heart to break into a million pieces. It was then I knew the power of a Momma's love. I would sit and rock him and wonder what he would be like when he grew up and I can honestly say that I could not have even imagined he would be half as great as he is.

 You see Drake is the kind of kid who might come off as silly or sometimes even shy if you were to meet him on the street but the people that really know him, know that he is so much more.

He is witty, so very witty that it sometimes scares me. He can think on his feet and come up with a response to anything  in a second. He is funny and loves to make people laugh. He is sensitive and tends to get his feeling hurt easily. He has a heart for God.  He is a planner and always likes to know what we are going to do next. He has a smile that melts my heart and a spirit that shines.

I am so proud of the little boy that he has become and the man that he someday will be.

Sometimes I still can't wrap my head around that face that he is mine, that I was lucky enough to be chosen to be his.  He is so very blessed to be loved by countless people....but I love him the very most.

Happy 4th Birthday Drakie!

Life Lately

I'm finding it harder and harder to find time to sit down and pound out a blog post. We spend every free moment outside playing. Our schedule is super laid back and relaxed in the summer. We eat supper when we feel like it  and come inside for baths way past bedtime. But I love it and I'm already dreading summer ending and the days getting shorter.  So for now the bullet point update will have to do. I have lots of good blog posts flying around my head but those will just have to wait for now.

Here is what we have been up to lately-

• Ben and I got went to Kansas City with our good friends for a long kid-free weekend of fun and relaxation. We had the best time touring Boulevard Brewery, eating BBQ, shopping, eating late dinners, swimming, going to a movie and going out on the town. Sometimes it is nice to be something other than "Momma" and fun to see that there are still parts of your college self that are alive and well!


• Speaking on Kansas City-Our hotel was totally overrun by teenage girls going to the One Direction concert on Friday night. Basically we learned that teenage girls in big groups of scary and little annoying. It also seems as though their outfit of choice consists of high-waisted jean short with shirts tucked in and converse sneakers unlaced. They might also be spotted in a belly bearing shirt with a belly ring showing. I'm pretty sure I never wore any weird outfits or was ever annoying as a teenager! ;)


• Ben and I will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary tomorrow. Eight years! After our crazy weekend I have a feeling that our celebrating will consist of throwing some sort of meat on the grill, playing with the kids and maybe if we get really wild staying up late to watch an episode of Revenge. The good news is that I can't think of anybody who I would rather do those things with than my husband!


• I'm turning 30 on Wednesday. My twenties were really good to me and gave me my husband and two sons and countless memories. I always thought I would be feeling a little sad as I turned thirty but instead I'm happy and excited to see what this next decade holds for me. I'm going to spend the day with my mom getting pedicures and going out for lunch and Drake wants to throw me a princess party when I get home.Sounds like a good way to start my thirties!


• My sister got engaged over the weekend and I could not be more excited for them.  They have been dating for quite a few years so my boys don't even know what life is like without "Uncle Chic" and we can't wait to officially welcome him into the family. And  don't even get me started on wedding planning! Nothing gets me more excited than talks of dresses and cakes and venues. SO.MUCH.FUN!


• Drake will be turning 4 on August 1st and I want to do a whole post just about him and the things he loves and has been saying lately. He makes me laugh everyday with the stuff he comes up with. He just told me the other day "I'm your boyfriend." and then started singing Justin Biebers "Boyfriend" to my.  He is basically one of the funniest people I know and he is only three.


• Charlie has been keeping us on out toes. He is wild. He likes to climb the stairs approximately 100,023 times a day and loves it the most when we chase after him. He plays with cars by sitting ON TOP of the car table or if the mood strikes him he might just start jumping up and down on the table, He climbs everything and puts everything in his mouth.  But he has the sweetest smile and when you ask him what a sheep says he says "BAAAAAAA" in the best little sheep voice. He loves to curl up on your lap with a book and like you to hold him while he suck on his paci and cuddles with his blankie. He is so very cute and too charming for his own good.

Soaking Them Up

I can't help but feel like I am a little short on words this summer. I have been busy just soaking up these sweet boys of mine. We have been having such a fantastic summer making memories together. I have been grabbing my DSLR camera a lot more lately and taking advantage of the beautiful natural light outside to catch some pretty good photos of my boys. I can't help but smile as I take the photos knowing that I will be able to relive that moment again and again just by looking at a picture.

It is becoming very evident as Charlie gets older that I am raising two very different boys.

Drake is my cautious and wild boy. The one who is witty and has the best imagination. He will be turning 4 in a couple of weeks and I am just so proud of him.

Charlie is brave and such a little toughie. He has a magnetic personality and already has charm so thick that he can get out of most any situation using it. He  is almost 16 months and bring us so much joy.

Those 2 little boys seem to make summer so much fun and I'm going to spend ever second I can soaking it up.

The Season of Littles

I can feel my chest tighten up as we are walking through the crowds of people. This was supposed to be a fun morning out I think as I push the double stroller where my 2 screaming boys sit.

I am angry. Why can't Drake keep his hands to himself? Why does he have to bother his little brother? I am wishing that Charlie would learn a few more words so that he would use those instead of his scream to get our attention.

I am jealous of the people who are walking around the farmers market with their well-behaved kids. I want my kids to act like that I think as I look at them longingly.

That is how my morning went yesterday. And to be honest as I reflect back on those words today, it does not seem nearly as bad now as it did then. Basically we all had a rough morning and the way I reacted to it made it rougher. I was angry and disappointed and just not happy with how the "perfect" morning I had envisioned in my head had turned out.

Here is the thing about me-I'm a pretty roll-with-the-punches kind of Momma. It takes a lot to really get under my skin and I can usually see the situation for what it is, calmly deal with it and move on...but yesterday...yesterday I just couldn't do it.  Quite frankly, I was acting as awful as my kids were and I'm not proud of that.

I am in the season of life right now where I am breathing and living all the things of my littles. So much so that sometimes I have to stand back and just take a deep breath and let those crazy moments pass without reaction.

These littles of mine keep me running and chasing and laughing and squealing from sun up until sun down. Our days are hard and wonderful all at the same time.  I'm constantly trying to think of the next activity to keep their little hands busy and their minds full before they get one step ahead of me. This season of littles is one of kind and so very exhausting.

But thankfully on 99% of my days (yesterday was obviously not  one of them) I have the knowledge of knowing that these days with my littles are all too fleeting. I'm sending my oldest off to preschool in the fall and I'm struggling with knowing that he is already starting to spread his wings a little more. And my youngest is 15-months-old and has already left all the baby and toddler toys behind in favor of playing superheros alongside his big brother.

These days are whizzing by and I'm doing my best to capture every single moment so I don't forget all while I'm counting down the minutes to bedtime.

This season may be one of the busiest I've experienced  yet, but there is not 2 little boys who I would rather do it with. Let them be little...

Three-Year-Olds

“Drake, what did you say?” I asked as I heard him mutter something under his breath.

“I didn’t say I don’t like you.” He replied with a daring  look in his eyes.

“What?!?” I said with anger and hurt in my voice.

“Nothing.” He said quietly as he avoided my eyes.

Three-year-olds mean business. They have the ability to try you and make you go crazy. They know that words can hurt and they use them to do so.

“Our Father up in heaven how be thy name. Thy will be done on earth and heaven. Give us our daily bread and forgive us who sin against you. Lead us not temptation deliver us from evil. The kingdom and the glory AMEN.” Drake prays in his sweet little voice as his eyes look into min.

We end each night with the Lord’s Prayer. Three-year-olds are wonderful I think as I listen to him say his prayer. So little and already has a love for Jesus. I’m so proud.

“I don’t want to go to bed!” He screams as I carry him up the stairs.

“I told you if you did not listen you were going to bed early.” I say with exhaustion dripping from of my voice.

“But I want a snack!!!!” He begs as I lay him down in his bed.

“It’s too late for that, you had your chance to eat at supper and you didn't. “ I said as I kiss him good-night.

Three-year-olds have a way of wearing you down with the whining and crying and their selective hearing.  They know just what buttons to push to make you wonder just what you are doing wrong as parent.

“I love you Drakie.” I say as we cuddle up for a Saturday afternoon nap together.

“I love you too Momma.”  He pauses and says “I’m sorry for being naughty last night. I want to be a good boy and not be naughty.”

“Oh Drakie, I know you do honey. You ARE a good boy.”

Three-year-olds have a way of letting you know when you need it the most that you are doing a pretty good as a parent. That they DO know right from wrong and can recognize when they hurt somebody.

My Drake at three-years-old is exhausting and frustrating and can be difficult. But my Drake at three-years-old is also sweet and sensitive and pretty much perfect.

And the best part about Drake at three-years-old? He tells me every day that I’m his best friend.  I think I kind of like three.

This is What Dreams Are Made Of

I can't  even begin to explain how this photo makes my heart explode over and over again.

When I was pregnant with Charlie and found out at 20 weeks that he was indeed a boy I immediately started daydreaming of the moments my boys would share as brothers.

This moment right there?

Better than any dream I ever dreamed up.

Brothers.

An Interview with Drake

An interview with Drake at 3 year 6 months and 17 days old. Thanks to my friend Nicole for the idea and letting me steal your interview questions!



What is your name? Drake

Where were you born? When I was a baby

How old are you? 3

How old will you be at your birthday party? My birthday is on August 1st

Who is your mommy? You

What do you like to do with your mommy? Play bingo

Who is your daddy? Dada

What do you like to do with your daddy? Read books

What is your favorite color? red

What do you want to be when you grow- up? A storm trooper

What is your favorite food? Carrots

What is your favorite thing to drink? Water

Where is your favorite place to eat? MacDonald's (AKA McDonald's)

What is your favorite animal? Rhinocouras

What does your daddy say a lot? Drake go to nap and no no no

What does your mommy say a lot? Eat chocolate chips

What is your favorite song?  Mick like Jagger (AKA Moves Like Jagger)

Who is your favorite singer? Daddy

What is your favorite movie? Bolt

What is your favorite cartoon? The Muppets

Who is your best friend? You

What is your favorite book? Where the Wild Things Are

What is your favorite thing to do? Play with stickers

Where does Daddy work? At his work 

Where does Mommy work? At her work

How old is Mommy? 3

How old is Daddy? 2

How old is Charlie? 3

What do you think about your little brother? Good

What do you like to do with Charlie? Like to play

What makes you really happy? Playing with a turtle

What makes you really sad? When a friend hits me

What are you scared of? A monster

What makes you laugh? You

Who was the last person you kissed? You

My First Baby-Part I

July 31, 2009

I just ate a whole row of brownies I think as I cut the last one free from the row.  Not many times in life you can eat that many brownies guilt free I think as I rub my 38 week pregnant belly.

As I lick the last bit of brownie off my fingers I decide to head upstairs for a nap. I'm not usually one to sleep during the day but the combination of a my swollen belly and the hot and humid weather make it the perfect day for a little snooze.

I pull the covers back, crawl into bed and easily drift off waking only 20 minutes later feeling refreshed. I lay in bed relaxing for a bit longer before deciding to head to the grocery store for my weekly shopping trip.

I awkwardly maneuver my body out of bed.

I hear the pop. I feel the gush.

"Oh shit." I say aloud

My water just broke.

This is just like the movies I think as I hurry the 20 steps to the bathroom. I sit on the toilet because I don't know what else to do.  I better call Ben.

Please pick up, please! He picks up after only a few rings "Ben? My water just broke."

Silence

"OK."

"You should come home"

"OK, I will be there in five minutes."

I hit the end button and immediately hit the "Home"  button on my phone.

"Mom, my water just broke"

"No, it didn't" she says with a laugh. I've already talked her at least 2 times that day and every time I call she picks up with an anxious tone in her voice.  "It's just that each time  you call I think  you are going to tell me that your water broke." She said just the last time we talked on the phone.

"No, really it did."

"Really?!?"

"Yes, I don't know what to do!! Ben is on his way home."

"Are you having contractions?

"No"

"OK, Let me call your dad and we will head to Des Moines right away. Love you honey"

"Love you."

I hang up and call my OB Office.

"OB Gyn and Associates can you hold?"

 Can I hold? No, I can't hold! I'm sitting on the toilet with massive amounts of fluid leaking out of me. NO! I can't hold. 

"Sure I can hold."

A few minutes pass and I'm starting to mentally make a list of everything I have left to pack and do before we head to the hospital throw in the phone charger and camera and remember to call somebody to watch Skinner....

"How can I help you?" My thoughts are interrupted by the voice on the other end.

"My water just broke"

"Ummmmm OK. You should go to the hospital"

"I know. I was just in yesterday and they told me to call if my water broke. So I thought I better call."

"Yeah. Go to the hospital." The voice on the other line says with very little interest.

I hang up and start digging underneath the bathroom sink for one of the  giant maxi pads I bought for after the baby. I'm going to need this I think as I change out of my soaking wet underwear and pants.

Just then I hear Ben running up the stairs with an excited and nervous look on his face. "This is it, huh?" He says as he gives me a hug and starts to quickly pack up our bag.

"This is it." I say with a smile and butterflies in my stomach.

Ben carefully helps me down the stairs. I can feel fluid pouring out of me with every step. I take one last look around the house before I leave.  We have waited so long for this moment. So much longer than the 9 months I've carried this baby. We have dreamed for over 2 years about what it would be like to walk into the house with a baby in our arms. And now, in just a few days, our dream will come true. I tear up as I shut the door behind me and wander into the garage. Ben puts a towel down on the seat and helps me into the car. As we are backing out of the driveway I think our life is about to change in the best possible way.

Stayed Tuned for Part II.....

Santa Pictures: More Than Meets the Eye

Last weekend we headed to Bass Pro Shop  to visit Santa.

Charlie was first up. I told you this kid was sweet and boy does this picture prove it. He was in love with Santa, all the attention being on him and all the camera flashes. Also? A baby in a bow-tie  cheesin' it up on Santa's lap? Cutest thing ever.

Drake was up next. Poor guy, he had everything he wanted to say all planned out but when the time came he was a nervous wreck and coud only  mutter "I want a bat cave"  between his trembling little lips.  But despite the nerves, he is such a handsome little guy (who looks more like 5 than 3) perched up on Santa's lap.

I love these pictures so much as they express both boy's personality so perfectly.

But upon closer examination the photos started creeping me out a little.

First, the reindeer will not quit staring at me!!! I make eye contact with him every time I look at this picture. I'm going to admit defeat, you win the staring contest reindeer, I blinked. NOW QUIT STARING!

Then there is  the pacifier that is seemingly attached to Santa's belt. I am beyond curious what that is all about. The logical explanation is that some little girl dropped it while on his lap, but that still does not answer the question as to WHY it is attached to his belt. Also, are his little "elfs" not noticing this pacifier just hanging out? It's just weird. That is all I've come up with. Weird and Creepy.

That Santa, he  is always much more than meets the eye....

Kindness

I often think about the kind of people I want my boys to be.

Honest.

Authentic.

Polite.

Generous.

Trustworthy.

Kind.

All of those traits listed above are important to me, but if I had to teach my boys one thing it would be kindness. To treat others the way that you want to be treated. To be kind even when others are not. To stick up for the underdog. That words can hurt or heal.

Ben and I try our best to model this behavior for them believing that we should lead by example. We talk with Drake about how he should be kind to his friends and his brother. That he needs to be careful of the words he chooses and that a hug can make somebody's day.

That is why these past few weeks have been eye-opening for me. I have never seen so many unkind, vicious, and hurtful things said as I have in the weeks leading up to and the week following the election. Words that are said with the protection of a screen between you and the person you attack. Words that hurt. Words that are unkind.

And then I read story after story of the acts of kindness that are taking place in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. The people who have traveled far to lend a helping hand. The boxes of food that have been donated to feed the hungry. The people who have opened up their homes to their neighbors to charge their electronics. Pure and perfect kindness.

Just like everything else in life, kindness is a decision. A decision that I hope that my boys don't even think twice about. Because they know kindness is the right choice and they just do it.

Weekend Wrap

• We spent yesterday afternoon at Night Eyes, a Halloween event put on by the Blank Park Zoo. It was a little to chilly to put Charlie in his costume but he looked cute as could be anyways. Drake on the other hand, threw his Spiderman costume on and never looked back. He was so in character the whole time we were there, even going as far as to shoot webs at any other Superhero he saw. What a fun and memorable day we had!

• Charlie is crawling. And getting better and faster every single day. Life has officially gotten crazy around our house. Please send somebody to baby-proof my house and have them bring a bottle of wine.

•  Drake goes to Sunday School every week but he calls it "Someday School". I love that so very much!


• Charlie was crying and I was trying to calm him down and Drake came over looked right at Charlie and said "It's OK Charlie, God it with you." Looks like he is paying attention in "Someday School."

I am loving 3 years and 7 months. Both boy are so fun and entertaining and just plain terrific. Love it.

Hope you all had a great weekend.

A Little of This, A Little of That

• My weight loss journey is slowly chugging along. I am down 16 lbs and getting so close to posting my 20 lb lost picture.


• Drake calls Sunday School "Someday School". Might be the cutest thing I've ever heard.


• Speaking of "Someday School", we told Drake that he is not allowed to talk about Superheros there (he is obsessed and is all he wants to talk about, play, etc.). His response? "But Jesus is a Superhero!!" Hard to argue with that...


• Thinking it is time to start trying to get Charlie into a better sleep routine. He has been sleeping from 7:00-11:30 then wanting to eat and then getting up again around 4:30 wanting to eat again or snuggle. I am tired.


• I am loving this fall weather we have been having. Perfect for boots, and leggings, and sweaters, pumpkin spice lattes, and chili.


• Ben and I have started having at home date nights about once a week. We wait until the kids go to bed to eat and spend the time chatting and catching up on our favorite fall TV shows.  It is a relaxing and fun  way to spend time together without spending money.


• We have owned our minivan for about 5 months now and I still feel funny driving it. I don't even really know how to explain it, except for the fact that it makes me feel so grown up.  I also love listening to loud rap music when I am all alone and driving home from work and it just feels super awkward to jam out to it in the mini. I guess I had to grow up sometime :)

Have a great week!

P.S.- Enter here to win tickets to see Phineas and Ferb Live

Playing

This photo makes my heart so full and happy.

Two Brothers.

Playing.

This is the picture I had in my head since the day I found out Drake would have a baby brother.

There is something pretty cool about a picture in my mind becoming a real life moment.

I know there will be many fights ahead over toys.

I know the picture will not always look this great.

But for now...it is perfect.

The Family I Never Imagined

When I was growing up I used to imagine what my future family would look like I wondered if I would have all girls like my mom did and what my husband would look like and what my kids names would be.  Even though I probably had a million day dreams about what my family would look like, I never dreamt it as good as it really is. My husband is more handsome and kind and funnier than I ever imagined. And don't even get me started on my 2 boys. For some reason in my dreams my kids were girls, having only sisters, I knew very little about boys or brothers. But you know what? God knew I needed boys. He knew I need the challenge of a baby with awful reflux to give me patience I never knew I had. He knew  I needed the reward of a snuggle from  a toddler who is usually on the go all the time. He knew that Drake needed a brother and that I needed another son. He knew that superheros and cars and legos would be the toys that scattered our floor. He knew the littlest smile from Charlie would melt my heart. He knew Drake telling me I was his best friend would make me tear up. He knew. How amazing is it that out of the million families I pictured for myself that he gave me one better than I could have imagined? I am blessed. Feeling lots of gratitude for the family I never imagined.