I can feel my chest tighten up as we are walking through the crowds of people. This was supposed to be a fun morning out I think as I push the double stroller where my 2 screaming boys sit.
I am angry. Why can't Drake keep his hands to himself? Why does he have to bother his little brother? I am wishing that Charlie would learn a few more words so that he would use those instead of his scream to get our attention.
I am jealous of the people who are walking around the farmers market with their well-behaved kids. I want my kids to act like that I think as I look at them longingly.
That is how my morning went yesterday. And to be honest as I reflect back on those words today, it does not seem nearly as bad now as it did then. Basically we all had a rough morning and the way I reacted to it made it rougher. I was angry and disappointed and just not happy with how the "perfect" morning I had envisioned in my head had turned out.
Here is the thing about me-I'm a pretty roll-with-the-punches kind of Momma. It takes a lot to really get under my skin and I can usually see the situation for what it is, calmly deal with it and move on...but yesterday...yesterday I just couldn't do it. Quite frankly, I was acting as awful as my kids were and I'm not proud of that.
I am in the season of life right now where I am breathing and living all the things of my littles. So much so that sometimes I have to stand back and just take a deep breath and let those crazy moments pass without reaction.
These littles of mine keep me running and chasing and laughing and squealing from sun up until sun down. Our days are hard and wonderful all at the same time. I'm constantly trying to think of the next activity to keep their little hands busy and their minds full before they get one step ahead of me. This season of littles is one of kind and so very exhausting.
But thankfully on 99% of my days (yesterday was obviously not one of them) I have the knowledge of knowing that these days with my littles are all too fleeting. I'm sending my oldest off to preschool in the fall and I'm struggling with knowing that he is already starting to spread his wings a little more. And my youngest is 15-months-old and has already left all the baby and toddler toys behind in favor of playing superheros alongside his big brother.
These days are whizzing by and I'm doing my best to capture every single moment so I don't forget all while I'm counting down the minutes to bedtime.
This season may be one of the busiest I've experienced yet, but there is not 2 little boys who I would rather do it with. Let them be little...
I JUST wrote about this today, too! We're going through that right now. The boys need me for literally everything. It's not that they can't do things on their own, they just whine and whine and need me there. It's annoying and exhausting all at the same time. I just want some coffee. I just want to brush my teeth without someone getting into something at my feet that they shouldn't be.
ReplyDeleteI know this is all fleeting, which is what I try to remember. But it's frustrating. I just try to think of it as a test, as a challenge, as a learning experience. Going through the muck usually turns you into a better person once you're through it, have cleaned yourself off and have had time to reflect on what you accomplished.
Hang in there mama!
Thanks for the comment Mandey! There is also something so reassuring about knowing that we are not going through this alone. Although we all have different battles we fight, we are just Mommas trying to make it through the day.
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