Drawing the Line

I knew this day would come. I could feel myself holding more and more back from all of you. I think long and hard before I post a story about my children on the blog anymore. I have done a lot of reviews and giveaways and have written some posts that are about me or motherhood but I have kept the most important part of my heart - my children - to myself.

Before the last month or so I have never seen Drake get embarrassed. Sure he had done embarrassing things, but he did not know that he should or could feel embarrassed about it. But in the last few weeks I have seen him utterly and truly embarrassed and it broke my heart and put me on high alert. I know I will do things in the future to embarrass my kids. I'm guessing sometimes it will all be in fun and I will do it on purpose and other times they will be embarrassed of me or things I do whether it is justified or not.

Here is the thing - I don't want this blog to be a source of embarrassment for them.  In the world we live a quick Google search is all it takes for stories, pictures and all the information you need to know about a person is at your fingertips.  I know I can't protect my boys forever, but I can limit what I contribute to their "internet biography." I want them to make their own tracks in life- their own stories- if they want to write a  blog someday, great, but that is up to them.

So I guess what I'm saying is that the line has been drawn. This blog will continue but with a lot less of my sweet boys in it.  I will still share pictures of my boys from time to time and I'm sure every now and then I will pop in with a story or 2 about them, but for the most part I will do what a mother should do and hold the most precious and sensitive stories close to my heart just for me.

Growing up is hard to do...

What's On My Mind

On this cold and dreary Monday morning this is what I'm thinking about-

•  Drake had a lock down drill at his school on Friday. I can't even begin to tell you the heartbreak I felt as he told me "we had to pretend there was a bad shooter in the building and turn off all the lights and hide."  So, so sad that a lock down drill will now be the new normal for kids at school.

• I'm feeling really grateful for my husband lately. I have been gone a lot in the evenings the past month and my husband is wonderful about it. He never makes me feel guilty for being away and I love that I can leave and not have to give him directions on what to do with the kids because he already knows since he is such a big part of their care everyday anyway. I'm just so happy I get to do life with him

• I went to the Pink concert with my mom and sisters on Friday night. What.A.Show! Seriously, if you ever get the chance to see her concert, please do. Hand down the best show I've ever seen!

 

• Our church puts on a Turkey Mission Dinner every fall and gives 100% of the money away.  All the food is donated and the tickets are free (a free will donation is taken at the door). Two year ago the dinner raised $25,000. Last year $60,000 was raised and this year over $87,000 will be given away to Habit for Humanity and Imagine No Malaria. I get goosebumps just thinking of what God is doing in our church and how many lives will be changed as a result of this turkey dinner.

• This is my new favorite picture. I love how it captures everyday life at our house.  And Charlie's expression? Priceless! I wonder what he is plotting...

 

• I continue to be amazed at the distinct personality differences between our 2 boys. Drake is sensitive and emotional. He is a cuddler and over thinker. Charlie is wild and tough. He is busy and carefree.  They both bring so many great qualities  to our little family that I love.

And Here are a few links I'm loving right now-

• I did the Fresh 20 Meal planning a lot last winter and I'm ready to get back on the wagon again. Makes meal time SO much easier.


• Do you use Instagram? It is my favorite social media site. I would love to follow you! You can follow me here.


• I am loving these Design Dilemma posts on Young House Love. I think it would be so much fun to submit a room in our house and get some fresh ideas.


• Watch this. The message speaks to everyone.


• If you plan on buying any Fisher Price toys for the holidays here are some great coupons for you!


• I just got done reading this book. Wow, just, wow. Read it.


• I bought this cardigan for Drake last week. There is just something about little boys wearing grow-up clothes that melts my heart.

Have a wonderful week!

I am a Good Mom

Last night I was talking with a friend about motherhood. We were talking about how we felt like we were struggling in some areas- about how hard it can be and the guilt we carry around. I was telling her how I struggle to get a meal on the table for my family and how lately I feel like I am hardly keeping it together. I feel guilty about not getting down on the floor enough to play with my boys or for snapping at them in a harsh voice when all they want to do is ask me a question.  I wish that I had craft projects prepared that we could do together and that I could control them better in public. I just wish I was a better mom.

Today, that same friend sent me a link to a  video that has been floating around Facebook. Please take four minutes to watch it.  If you can't watch the video here is a quick overview-The video starts by showing moms being interviewed about what kind of mom they think they are. They are all very hard on themselves and list many of the same things that I listed above. The video then goes on to show their kids being interviewed about their moms. The kids rave about how wonderful their moms are and all the really great qualities that they have.

I cried through the whole entire video. It just hit so close to home for me.  I don't concentrate on the qualities that make me a good mom, but instead I focus on all the bad.

But you know what? I am a good mom. I love letting my boys crawl in bed with me in the morning and I cuddle and kiss and love on them. I take them on donut dates just because. I am teaching them to be kind and generous and forgiving. I love exposing them to new things and we go on lots of adventures together. I date my kids carving out special one-on-one time with them. I take pride in how they look and dress them well. I make cookies with them. I throw great birthday parties. I fill up their little pool hundreds of time in the summer just so they can swim for five minutes. I go all out for every single holiday. I have taught them about Jesus. I have pizza party picnics on the living room floor. I take time to pick out the perfect gift for them, one that I know they will love. I organize playdates. I started our special "Friday Festival" tradition. I love reading books with them. I try really, really hard to play superheros, I have dance parties with the music turned up way to loud. I love them so much my heart hurts. I am a good mom.

What an awesome thing it would be if we could all just see ourselves through our children's eyes, huh? I know that I'm going to try.

Life Lately

I'm finding it harder and harder to find time to sit down and pound out a blog post. We spend every free moment outside playing. Our schedule is super laid back and relaxed in the summer. We eat supper when we feel like it  and come inside for baths way past bedtime. But I love it and I'm already dreading summer ending and the days getting shorter.  So for now the bullet point update will have to do. I have lots of good blog posts flying around my head but those will just have to wait for now.

Here is what we have been up to lately-

• Ben and I got went to Kansas City with our good friends for a long kid-free weekend of fun and relaxation. We had the best time touring Boulevard Brewery, eating BBQ, shopping, eating late dinners, swimming, going to a movie and going out on the town. Sometimes it is nice to be something other than "Momma" and fun to see that there are still parts of your college self that are alive and well!


• Speaking on Kansas City-Our hotel was totally overrun by teenage girls going to the One Direction concert on Friday night. Basically we learned that teenage girls in big groups of scary and little annoying. It also seems as though their outfit of choice consists of high-waisted jean short with shirts tucked in and converse sneakers unlaced. They might also be spotted in a belly bearing shirt with a belly ring showing. I'm pretty sure I never wore any weird outfits or was ever annoying as a teenager! ;)


• Ben and I will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary tomorrow. Eight years! After our crazy weekend I have a feeling that our celebrating will consist of throwing some sort of meat on the grill, playing with the kids and maybe if we get really wild staying up late to watch an episode of Revenge. The good news is that I can't think of anybody who I would rather do those things with than my husband!


• I'm turning 30 on Wednesday. My twenties were really good to me and gave me my husband and two sons and countless memories. I always thought I would be feeling a little sad as I turned thirty but instead I'm happy and excited to see what this next decade holds for me. I'm going to spend the day with my mom getting pedicures and going out for lunch and Drake wants to throw me a princess party when I get home.Sounds like a good way to start my thirties!


• My sister got engaged over the weekend and I could not be more excited for them.  They have been dating for quite a few years so my boys don't even know what life is like without "Uncle Chic" and we can't wait to officially welcome him into the family. And  don't even get me started on wedding planning! Nothing gets me more excited than talks of dresses and cakes and venues. SO.MUCH.FUN!


• Drake will be turning 4 on August 1st and I want to do a whole post just about him and the things he loves and has been saying lately. He makes me laugh everyday with the stuff he comes up with. He just told me the other day "I'm your boyfriend." and then started singing Justin Biebers "Boyfriend" to my.  He is basically one of the funniest people I know and he is only three.


• Charlie has been keeping us on out toes. He is wild. He likes to climb the stairs approximately 100,023 times a day and loves it the most when we chase after him. He plays with cars by sitting ON TOP of the car table or if the mood strikes him he might just start jumping up and down on the table, He climbs everything and puts everything in his mouth.  But he has the sweetest smile and when you ask him what a sheep says he says "BAAAAAAA" in the best little sheep voice. He loves to curl up on your lap with a book and like you to hold him while he suck on his paci and cuddles with his blankie. He is so very cute and too charming for his own good.

The Season of Littles

I can feel my chest tighten up as we are walking through the crowds of people. This was supposed to be a fun morning out I think as I push the double stroller where my 2 screaming boys sit.

I am angry. Why can't Drake keep his hands to himself? Why does he have to bother his little brother? I am wishing that Charlie would learn a few more words so that he would use those instead of his scream to get our attention.

I am jealous of the people who are walking around the farmers market with their well-behaved kids. I want my kids to act like that I think as I look at them longingly.

That is how my morning went yesterday. And to be honest as I reflect back on those words today, it does not seem nearly as bad now as it did then. Basically we all had a rough morning and the way I reacted to it made it rougher. I was angry and disappointed and just not happy with how the "perfect" morning I had envisioned in my head had turned out.

Here is the thing about me-I'm a pretty roll-with-the-punches kind of Momma. It takes a lot to really get under my skin and I can usually see the situation for what it is, calmly deal with it and move on...but yesterday...yesterday I just couldn't do it.  Quite frankly, I was acting as awful as my kids were and I'm not proud of that.

I am in the season of life right now where I am breathing and living all the things of my littles. So much so that sometimes I have to stand back and just take a deep breath and let those crazy moments pass without reaction.

These littles of mine keep me running and chasing and laughing and squealing from sun up until sun down. Our days are hard and wonderful all at the same time.  I'm constantly trying to think of the next activity to keep their little hands busy and their minds full before they get one step ahead of me. This season of littles is one of kind and so very exhausting.

But thankfully on 99% of my days (yesterday was obviously not  one of them) I have the knowledge of knowing that these days with my littles are all too fleeting. I'm sending my oldest off to preschool in the fall and I'm struggling with knowing that he is already starting to spread his wings a little more. And my youngest is 15-months-old and has already left all the baby and toddler toys behind in favor of playing superheros alongside his big brother.

These days are whizzing by and I'm doing my best to capture every single moment so I don't forget all while I'm counting down the minutes to bedtime.

This season may be one of the busiest I've experienced  yet, but there is not 2 little boys who I would rather do it with. Let them be little...

This is What Dreams Are Made Of

I can't  even begin to explain how this photo makes my heart explode over and over again.

When I was pregnant with Charlie and found out at 20 weeks that he was indeed a boy I immediately started daydreaming of the moments my boys would share as brothers.

This moment right there?

Better than any dream I ever dreamed up.

Brothers.

Santa Pictures: More Than Meets the Eye

Last weekend we headed to Bass Pro Shop  to visit Santa.

Charlie was first up. I told you this kid was sweet and boy does this picture prove it. He was in love with Santa, all the attention being on him and all the camera flashes. Also? A baby in a bow-tie  cheesin' it up on Santa's lap? Cutest thing ever.

Drake was up next. Poor guy, he had everything he wanted to say all planned out but when the time came he was a nervous wreck and coud only  mutter "I want a bat cave"  between his trembling little lips.  But despite the nerves, he is such a handsome little guy (who looks more like 5 than 3) perched up on Santa's lap.

I love these pictures so much as they express both boy's personality so perfectly.

But upon closer examination the photos started creeping me out a little.

First, the reindeer will not quit staring at me!!! I make eye contact with him every time I look at this picture. I'm going to admit defeat, you win the staring contest reindeer, I blinked. NOW QUIT STARING!

Then there is  the pacifier that is seemingly attached to Santa's belt. I am beyond curious what that is all about. The logical explanation is that some little girl dropped it while on his lap, but that still does not answer the question as to WHY it is attached to his belt. Also, are his little "elfs" not noticing this pacifier just hanging out? It's just weird. That is all I've come up with. Weird and Creepy.

That Santa, he  is always much more than meets the eye....

Playing

This photo makes my heart so full and happy.

Two Brothers.

Playing.

This is the picture I had in my head since the day I found out Drake would have a baby brother.

There is something pretty cool about a picture in my mind becoming a real life moment.

I know there will be many fights ahead over toys.

I know the picture will not always look this great.

But for now...it is perfect.

The Family I Never Imagined

When I was growing up I used to imagine what my future family would look like I wondered if I would have all girls like my mom did and what my husband would look like and what my kids names would be.  Even though I probably had a million day dreams about what my family would look like, I never dreamt it as good as it really is. My husband is more handsome and kind and funnier than I ever imagined. And don't even get me started on my 2 boys. For some reason in my dreams my kids were girls, having only sisters, I knew very little about boys or brothers. But you know what? God knew I needed boys. He knew I need the challenge of a baby with awful reflux to give me patience I never knew I had. He knew  I needed the reward of a snuggle from  a toddler who is usually on the go all the time. He knew that Drake needed a brother and that I needed another son. He knew that superheros and cars and legos would be the toys that scattered our floor. He knew the littlest smile from Charlie would melt my heart. He knew Drake telling me I was his best friend would make me tear up. He knew. How amazing is it that out of the million families I pictured for myself that he gave me one better than I could have imagined? I am blessed. Feeling lots of gratitude for the family I never imagined.



 

Sugar and Spunk

My 2 boys, man oh man, they could not be more different.

Drake is the spunk and Charlie is the sugar.

Drake is the drama while Charlie is the calm.

Drake has 500 different facial expressions and Charlie has smiles.

Drake loves his baby brother but his patients has limits while Charlie knows nothing but his big brother as his hero.

Spunk and Sugar, those boys are.

I love Drake for how he feels things so deeply and expresses himself with so much passion . He is my  creative, witty and spunky boy.

And I love Charlie for how he is pure sweetness. He just oozes smiles and laughs and cuteness and is so sugary.

How did I get so lucky? One boy just like his Momma and one boy just like his Daddy. Sugar and Spunk.

Any guesses if I'm the sugar or the spunk?!? :)

Helping Brother

Charlie is just getting the hang of the whole sitting-on-your-own thing and is still a little bit wobbly.  Big Brother Drake has noticed this and likes to "help" Charlie sit up.

This is how it usually goes down-

Drake gets a good grip around Charlie's middle.

Also? This might just be the best picture ever. The expressions on both of their faces tell the whole story

 This is about the time things start to get interesting. Drake wants to Charlie to sit by himself so he holds him by his head.

"Charlie wants to lay down" Drake says as he smashes his hand against his brother's face.

Drake's job is not done.

Disclaimer-No babies were harmed in this process 

These Boys...

HE-

Loves Superheros

Wants "options' at supper

Has been 100% potty trained for well over a month

Loves playing with his neighborhood friends each night

Always asks "Yes or NO?" before he does something

Makes my Momma heart huge with pride

HE-

Loves to jump and play in his jumperoo

Thinks his big brother is the best thing ever

Sleeps unswaddled

Has to eat in a quiet room so he does not get distracted

 Giggles and smiles and squeals in delight all day long

Melts my heart

THEY-

Are all so different, yet so much alike

Have so much fun together

Make me smile

Make me laugh

Make me want to pause time

Own my heart

Sad Superheros

I'm always looking to get the perfect picture of the boys, you know the one- cute outfit, everybody looking at the camera and smiling all taken in the perfect location with the perfect lighting. Those pictures are hard to come by with 2 crazy little boys.

These pictures are not 'perfect', yet they are perfect to me.

I love these photos so very very much.

Have I mentioned how much I love them?

I have ?!?

Well it is because I LOVE them!! :)